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From the Outside It Looks like Chaos

Written By: Lauren Howard



From the outside it looks like chaos. 


But from the inside, it is happiness and calm. 


And it smells like popcorn. Sort of. 


For a long time, the part of my brain that could build and create was turned off. 


The environment that I was in was not compatible with growth or creativity. 


I wasn’t capable of dreaming or taking an idea to execution. 


I could only trudge through. 


I didn’t think that part of my brain even existed. I thought I was just there to put out fires and be at other people’s disposal. It was just dormant under the pressure of toxic environments and burnout. 


Everything was muted tones. Shades of beige. 


I didn’t have goals or plans or hopes. I just wanted to survive the day. 


When I left my job and took a few months to unravel from years and years of stress and overwhelm, this weird thing started happening. 


Slowly, there were these sparks. Or pops. 


That’s the only way I can describe it. 


I would sit and scroll my phone or do something mindless, and these fleeting ideas would pass through my brain. Silly stuff like “What if we . . .?” or “How could we . . .?” Or “I bet that’s a problem. Should we . . .?” 


They were few and far between to start, like the first pops of the popcorn kernels in the bag. 


I forgot what it was like to start building. Then . . . 


Pop


Pop


Pop


The farther I got away from the burnout and the more I dealt with the grieving process, more pops and sparks. 


Pop pop pop


Pop pop


Pop


The creating started. Slowly, the business ideas came through. The pieces to write, content to create, opportunities to share, dynamic solutions to problems, PASSION PROJECTS because I was capable of passion, and so many other things started pouring out. 


Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop 


And yeah, sometimes that process is chaos. 


But that chaos tells me I’m happy. It tells me I’m fulfilled. It tells me the rest of me is getting what it needs because my brain can do what it does. 


And I will do my darndest to make sure it’s never taken from me again. 


It’s the best chaos. It’s also salty and covered in butter, which is how I can define pretty much everything that I love. 


Delicious, delicious chaos. 



 


Founder & CEO at elletwo



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